แจกยูสเซอร์สำหรับเล่สล็อต

Posted on June 26th, 2013

At the morning appointment, the RN took off all the tape and steri-strips that I had not gotten around to. It hurt, and then it hurt a lot worse later on in the day. There’s the usual ache, something that is kind of burning, something that is kind of itching, and sometimes there are sharp pains. I wish my nerves would just get overloaded already and stop sending these signals to my brain. Since they haven’t, I am eating sea salt caramel truffle ice cream, and you know what? It does help.

I did learn that the weird, champagne-glass sort of look to the breast will go away as the internal sutures dissolve. This is a relief. However, for support, I’m stuck wearing a sports bra 24/7 for two more weeks. I don’t care how comfortable a sports bra might be, nothing is comfortable all the damned time.

I am unable to look at my nipples right now without wanting to crawl out of my skin, scream, or run around the house, or possibly all three (although running is contraindicated). So I am keeping ABD pads in the yoga bra and calling it good, at least while I take pain meds, try to read, and make incomprehensible scribbles in my to-do list. Oh, and the ice cream! Let’s not forget that.

Categories: Sick Mom, TMI, Weird day

Day 7 after breast reduction surgery: good grief, but I’m sick of this (TMI available upon request)

Posted on June 25th, 2013

I have to get out of the house. I’m pretty sure that a week at home is a record for me (well, almost a week), even if you take into account the rare times I’ve had an influenza-A virus. I just don’t do stay at home very well.

[Granted, I didn’t want it enough to have done it today — I’m taking pain meds, so still not safe to drive — but I know I’m better because I actually want to get out of the house with an urgency that’s approaching crawling out of my skin.]

Then again, I could have gone for a walk, but didn’t.

Part of my problem is I expect recovery to be very linear, with one day looking a lot better than the previous day. The reality is that yesterday the pain was more manageable, but everything looks better today (a lot better) but hurt more.

In a nutshell, today consisted of working with Pea on various academic topics, scholarly reading I won’t remember in a few days, trying to write, becoming cranky because of pain, taking pain meds, doing more than I ought to have around the house because how else would it get done?, quietly seething about things outside of my control, tugging at steri-strips (I would discuss this more, and if you are curious you can email, but it’s more TMI than I can handle in a post), wishing I would be done healing already, trying to feel grateful for the healing I’ve already done, and then starting all over again.

Milestones: I could actually stand to look at my breasts in the mirror today, although not for very long. They look more like breasts than something that should be in a medical school textbook.

M brought chocolate.? So there was that.

Categories: Sick Mom, TMI

Day 6 after breast reduction surgery: not much TMI, but with cupcakes and passion

Posted on June 24th, 2013

This was the first day M went back to work, post-surgery, and also marked the first day that Pea and I went back to a routine (kind of, since I’m still not driving, so we stayed home again). Pea has essentially been watching TV non-stop since last Wednesday afternoon, so I was expecting this would be a difficult transition.

Surprisingly, after her Phineas and Ferb, Johnny Test, and Martha Speaks marathons, there was no argument from Pea about getting dressed or doing reading and math and flashcards and books…albeit from my bed. I officially accepted the first grade placement for her today, so I thought I should tell her. After being upset it didn’t mean she was going to be starting first grade RIGHT NOW or possibly tomorrow, she exclaimed, “I have to get ready! I need to be prepared!” and I thought, all right, this is my kid, after all. Just wait until I can introduce her to the world of color-coded highlighting schemes and write-on sticky notes.

Around one, she asked to watch the tablet and I, now completely run out of energy, said, “Go for it.”

Basically, it still hurts, although it is the “Oh, I’m two hours overdue for pain medication so no wonder it hurts” type of pain as opposed to the “OMG IT’S FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE I’M SUPPOSED TO TAKE ANOTHER PILL. DAMN MY LIVER, GIVE IT TO ME NOW” type. So, progress. It still looks like my breasts were in a prize fight, but I don’t think they won anything.

For the rest of the afternoon, I was trying to read and research, but I kept falling asleep. I sent some bizarre texts to M, requesting rotisserie chicken, my anti-nausea medication, Pepsi MAX, and cupcakes. When he came home (and woke me up), he’d brought all four.

Speaking of texts, on Wednesday, M had been doing some work from the hospital and when his assistant asked how I was doing, he’d texted that they were going to release me when they had my pain under control. Except autocorrect had changed “pain” to “passion.” Based on the number of times my passion was inquired after, I’m guessing it made the rounds.

Mental note: skip the work barbecue this summer.

Categories: School, Sick Mom, TMI, WTF

Day 5 after breast reduction surgery: the annoying TMI (and I do mean TMI)

Posted on June 23rd, 2013

First off, thank you to everyone who wrote and told me these posts were helping them look ahead to/look into their own reduction surgeries. That made yesterday end on a much better note than it would have otherwise. (Also, in looking back at the posts, I realized that what had felt like no progress was actually a lot of progress over only a few days.)

Yesterday was a bad day. In addition to not having pain under control, I had the weird rash, the allergic reaction, and the realization that this was going to be a longer recovery period than I’d thought. I felt really defeated. M was right: I did have unrealistic expectations. I had to accept that this was going to take a long time and get over it.

Today was better. Sure, my breasts still look like they’ve had the crap kicked out of them (probably not a bad technical description). I’m feeling a little better about it, though.

My goal for the next day or two was to get to the place of not taking any more dilaudid if I could help it. Today I got by with just taking oxycodone, and most of that only taking one pill at a time. Yay, me! Part of this is just not wanting to feel loopy and queasy, but the other part is wanting to get back to normal. And by that, I mean I would like my poor digestive system to get back to normal.

The annoying TMI of narcotics is that they have a tendency to really slow down your digestive system. And what I was taking was strong. Even knowing that, and even being extremely OCD about eating fiber, taking Docusate sodium, and making sure I was adequately hydrated…it’s been uncomfortable. I have been going up and down the stairs a lot, because the other thing that helps is walking. (But I haven’t felt like leaving the house; in fact, I haven’t left the house since Thursday, which is a record for me. Ordinarily, I don’t do cooped up well.)

The annoying TMI of antibiotics is that, by killing off the bacteria in your gut (and elsewhere), it gives other microorganisms, ordinarily held in check by the bacteria, a chance to go crazy. If you’re a woman and you’ve taken antibiotics, you probably already know where this is headed: yeast infections. (In fact, they gave me a script for diflucan with the other scripts. It’s just part of the drill.)

I was actually hoping I’d get a pass on this because of the short use of the Keflex, but no.

See, I’m not all that keen on killing off another entire population of microorganisms if I can help it. Because we deal with chronic yeast infections with Pea (the pediatrician, when we asked how long these would last, told us “puberty”), we are old hats at the baking soda bath. All of Pea’s baths are baking soda baths; it changes the pH of the water enough to alter the surface chemistry of her body, and she rarely gets them now.

So today I took a baking soda bath, read, researched, played Civ IV, then really panicked about money, panicked even more about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, looked into going into inactive status with the bar but realized it would not save me from the $600 I have to pay by the end of the month*, bitterly resented being poor for a good hour or two, then took a klonopin and watched an hour of Phineas and Ferb with M and Pea. Let’s hear it for emotional numbing agents.

If you discount the fact I was popping oxycodone every four hours, it was almost like a normal day. Except with more bitter and discomfort, but nothing’s perfect.

Okay, wait. I’m trying to make this look like a win, because it was. That I wasn’t so absorbed in feeling physically miserable was huge. I had the reserves necessary to worry about other things, for the first time since the surgery. Go, Day 5.

*The money I thought had been set aside for this wasn’t. What would be a minor inconvenience when we were both working is a huge burden now. I just…yeah. I think this may end up being the last year I pay bar dues in Oregon. I might see about getting licensed in another state. But this is ridiculous.

Categories: Sick Mom, TMI, Too much to ask?

Day 4 after breast reduction surgery: really fucking uncomfortable TMI edition

Posted on June 22nd, 2013

This will probably end up being the last of the daily updates, because there’s a limit to how much I can stand even my own bitching.

Apparently I am allergic to either Keflex or one of the narcotics. The more likely candidate is Keflex, and despite huge quantities of Benedryl and hydrocortisone cream, the rash on my neck, shoulders, and upper chest isn’t gone yet. I was afraid the doctor was going to want me to stay on Keflex and give me a medrol pack, but so far, the Keflex has been d/c and I will hope this gets better…soon. I hate the steroids. I don’t need to be crankier, more bloated, or have my sleep disturbed even more. (So I really hope this rash is gone soon.)

The narcotics leave me feeling strung out and miserable. I wonder WTF as far as recreational use goes, because I hate this feeling. I wanted to go back to just the oxycodone today (under the impression that I should be feeling much better by now) but no. There is a baseline of aching pain that it doesn’t take care of, and then if I move a certain way, it feels like someone is trying to tear off my left nipple. That certain way is when I drop something and I reflexively catch it or if I bend over to pick something up. Kind of a Catch-22, that.

(At least I am down to taking 2 mg of dilaudid at a time instead of 4 mg, which is what I did Thursday afternoon and all day Friday.)

I freaked out about the bruises and incision sites today and M informed me I have unrealistic expectations about healing. Sure it’s one thing to know that a few weeks of discomfort will result in many years of relief, but knowing that hasn’t made me any less whiny now.

Also, I hate feeling useless. I can’t do much around the house, although I did manage to get Pea bathed and we compared January and June star charts (more educating than I’ve done since the surgery; the last few days have been a huge boon to her Johnny Test watching schedule). I did some research and reading yesterday and a little today, but I wonder how much of it I’ll remember in a few days.

Categories: Sick Mom, TMI

Day 3 after breast reduction surgery (TMI again)

Posted on June 21st, 2013

I slept in my bed last night. That was great, because the first night I slept in a recliner in my office (per recommendation by someone in the doctor’s office; at the appointment yesterday morning, someone else then told me I didn’t have to do that). In any event, this morning at 0400 Pea woke up and we ate and I put her back to bed. She was absolutely delightful (and has been today, too). I went back to sleep until 0900-ish.

The key right now is balancing feeling very hungry (stomach growling) with nausea (don’t want to eat) and the need to take pain meds (which require a full stomach or I’ll be sick; the? patch is wearing off and I don’t have enough phenergan). I’m trying to go back down to the Oxycodone. Dilaudid works well, but that stuff’s hard core. (I’ll probably save it for nights.) Even so, the Dilaudid gives me fewer side effects; I’m dizzy on it, but not as loopy and tired. But it makes my neck and chest turn beet red and my whole body itches–ugh. It’s completely screwed up my sense of time (or perhaps that’s residual from anesthesia and Versed).

I felt well enough to research, so I did, last night and today. I did one load of laundry, although I was scrupulous about weight restrictions: I put the laundry in the washer one piece of clothing at a time, then into the dryer one piece at a time, then I realized I hadn’t put the clothes through a second rinse (necessary for Pea’s sensitive skin) so I put them back in the washer one piece at a time…again. They’re in the dryer and done, but I can’t face folding.

Oh! And a bit of news: Pea has been admitted to first grade at a school with emphases on science, art, civics. Small classes. It’s in a nice neighborhood, very close to where Pea went to preschool. I wouldn’t mind living in this neighborhood, if we could figure out an affordable way of doing it. Because this was a long shot, I wasn’t actually expecting to get in–so it’s welcome news, but now we have to decide how to move forward.

Categories: School, Sick Mom, TMI

Day 2 after breast reduction surgery (TMI warning)

Posted on June 20th, 2013

This hurts like an SOB.

My breasts look like they were used for punching bags after getting road rash on concrete. My nipples look like recessed power buttons. Without a sports bra + ABD Pads it’s miserable (because no support). When I got out of the shower this afternoon, I was crying and shaking because it hurt so much. (Even so, it was nice to shower, which I couldn’t do until the drains were removed.)

The Oxycodone wasn’t doing enough for the pain. (Think of the pain as milk engorged breasts x100 with random sharp pain on top of that.) I was told that this was normal and that this is what they give under these circumstances and so on. BUT M wouldn’t take me being in pain unnecessarily when we knew Dilaudid would work; when I left the doctor’s office today, I left with a script for Dilaudid (hydromorphone), which was the drug at the hospital that had made me functional (staff went from thinking I might have to spend the night to getting me out the door around noon).

On Dilaudid, the pain is a lot better (although one breast is obviously not as advanced as the other and it hurts more; at the office they remind women “they’re sisters, not twins, and won’t heal at the same rate”), although not entirely gone.

I am so itchy, though. I hate the narcotic itching and the way it makes me sleepy and stupid. I’m happy it takes away the pain, but I can’t imagine wanting to take this for the hell of it. I’m charting what I take for meds, just because I’m too stupid right now to remember otherwise.

Also, I didn’t know this until yesterday, but it’s normal to cough mucous up after anesthesia. My memory of the recovery room involves some guy admonishing everyone (albeit one by one) to breathe deeply and cough; now I get it.

So while the pain isn’t fun, I’m trying to focus on the positives. It’s actually easy to stand or sit up straight now, with my shoulders more squared.? I tried on jackets and shirts that I used to not be able to button all the way up. Now, I can, even with the ABD pads in the sports bra.

I’m dreadful at taking it easy, but I don’t want to delay healing. So I put this in my ongoing to-do journal:

Just so I’d have something to cross off at the end of the day. I think it may be extending a day or two longer, though.

Categories: Sick Mom, TMI

Goodbye, DD. Hello, small C. (Or, breast reduction surgery in a nutshell, written while loopy)

Posted on June 19th, 2013

Take this with many grains of narcotics — hell, I have. I will probably fall asleep three or four times while I’m typing this. [ETA: Yes. Yes, I did. I took me well over an hour to write this post and correct my many spelling/grammar/word choice errors. I’m sure I missed a lot. I’m sorry, but NARCOTICS and scopolamine.]

So, breast reduction. Ever since I overheard a conversation between my parents about my rapid development, I’ve been a wee bit sensitive about the size of mine. (I was 10-11. Note to parents: when your kids hear their names, they just might be listening from the servants’ staircase.) I was fairly oblivious to it as a teenager, but in my 20s, once the inevitable back/neck/TMJ/tension headaches (which can easily morph into a migraine) started and I started meeting people who’d have reductions, I really, really wanted a reduction. But, money. And now, insurance. (That said, I’m terrified about getting the EOB in the mail and seeing what the copay really turns out to be.)

My report time was 0530; surgery was at 0730, and I woke up in the recovery room at 1015. We left sometime after 1200, but I’ll be darned if I remember when. (I can remember someone saying I’d had three versed, but still, I can remember hanging out with M and friend RGP, who not only deserves a medal for taking Pea, but also for showing up at zero dark thirty to help cheer me up during the waiting period.)

There is something amazing about looking down and realizing that even with bandages and swelling, you’re packing a lot less mass than you were when you walked in the building. Even with all those bandages, I can actually put my arms straight down by my sides. Someday I will be able to run without two sports bras!

However, even bandaged tightly, I’ve lost some graham cracker crumbs in the cleavage. Apparently that doesn’t go away. We’ll see if I pass the popcorn/M&M test in a month or two.

As much as I was nervous/anxious about the procedure, I’m very happy it’s over with. In the interest of TMI, apparently it can take months for lumps and such to even out, but I’ve yet to hear a single person say they regretted this surgery, and as we know, I suffer from random-stranger-judgment-syndrome. (“RSJS” Actually, that should be a thing. Someone call the APA and the OED.) If someone regretted it, I’m sure they would have told me. As to how random strangers might have learned this was on the horizon, see below.

If you’re in the Portland area and you want one, go to Dr. Waldorf. A cosmetic surgeon’s office is kind of interesting, anyway — part spa, part doctor’s office, part art gallery. When a half dozen nurses volunteer that they like her work and that if they ever have something done, they’d go to her, that’s a pretty ringing endorsement. Also, there’s a lot to be said when your staff is made up of RNs and PAs.

If you have to have day surgery for any reason and you can, go to Providence St. Vincent.? (M once had knee surgery here a long time ago, and while everything is much fancier now, it was a similarly good experience.) Once you get past all the statues of nuns, it was a great experience. The RNs are awesome. I think I interacted with five, total, and they were fabulous. We reported at 0530 and everyone was so damned cheerful. And competent. And helpful. The only marginally grumpy person I encountered was in recovery, and that person may have been me.

As for meds? I’m not sure what they used during, but after?? Dilaudid. I’m not sure how much I had, but woo-boy, that stuff is awesome. I’m “down” to taking oxycodone and while it didn’t take the pain down to around 1-2 like the dilaudid, hopefully it will do the trick (along with ibuprofen and icepacks).

The best part was that Pea spent the night with friends–her first sleepover!– and had a grand time. This is because we have incredible friends who, even though they had distant family arriving for a visit yesterday, took care of her until I was discharged this afternoon. Thank you, RGP, MW, SW, and EW, not least of which for feeding the bottomless appetite and teaching her how to sink a basketball! (Her first ever in the picture below. For scale, MW is very tall.) Given the way this girl is growing, I anticipate many RSJS commentaries on whether or not I’m screwing her up permanently by allowing/not allowing her to play basketball.

But she’s the same kid.? When we rendezvoused at the bagel place near the hospital where I was eating lunch, Pea, true to form, ran in and asked loudly, “So did they cut your breasts off already?”? Then she cried about having to go home with M and me. But she did let me kiss her, so there’s that. She is fascinated by the Jackson-Pratt drains (which come out tomorrow). “That’s your blood?! That is so cool!” I have had to show her the drains about 10 times now.

(Yes, she is wearing her Wonder Woman shirt/cape. Yesterday afternoon I took her on a little hike and it was so cute to hear the “I love your cape” comments!)

Categories: General Parenting, Portlandia, Sick Mom, TMI